On Tuesday, the United States banned imports of meat and meat products from the European Union because of an outbreak of hoof-and-mouth disease. Canada was quick to follow suit, as were Australia, New Zealand, South Korea, Latvia, Estonia, Norway, Japan, and a host of others. So with all that meat backing up at the docks, we thought we'd give the Europeans a list of suggestions for things to do with it...

• Get into the Guinness Book of World Records by making the world's biggest meatball.



• Feed the meat to other livestock, causing an outbreak of mad cow disease to distract world from hoof-and-mouth disease.



• Make a huge meat statue of David Hasselhoff.



• Declare April 1 Take Your Meat to Work Day



• Drop 'meat bombs' on any European countries who refuse to join the EU.



• Prank neighbors by lighting bag of meat on porch, ringing doorbell, and running away.



• Use meat to smother forest fires. Eat results.



• Ship to Sealand.



• Auction on eBay.